Prayer and Meditation

Bliss

Aftercare and BDSM

Aftercare is important after sexual intimacy and especially after BDSM play time

The following article was taken from:

http://www.steel-door.com/aftercare.htm

AFTERCARE

Affectionate care and attention following any type of traumatic or mentally challenging event.

D/s relationships are engaged with a passion and intensity that are often so strong that they can strip away at the barriers and defenses that we normally use to protect ourselves from exactly those extremes. To 'feel' that intensity means that we are not 'as safe'. To some extent we have stepped across our own thresholds of security and exposed some or all parts of our inner selves to the scrutiny and possible damage of others.

Scening can or may be seen as a compromise between what the submissive is seeking or desiring and how close to achieving those desires the Dominant's own fears will allow them to go. This is a stretching in 'both' directions. Both the Dominant and the submissive often venture into areas they have never gone before. These areas can test their inner strength and resolve, their will and compassion. To retain 'personal integrity' or a belief in ourselves we have to stay within the 'codes' that we live by and believe in. In learning about ourselves we often test these codes to see if they are indeed 'our' codes or codes we have simply adopted by rote at some point along the way.

The road to 'emerging' as a Dominant or submissive is filled with these kinds of moral and ethical choices and the contradictions and apparent paradoxes that they present. Reconciling these contradictions and forming 'true' choices of who we are and what lines are inviolate within the self is a process that takes years and perhaps the entirety of our lives to discover fully.

When we 'expose' ourselves to another human being there is an expressed obligation by both people to refrain from injury or damage, offer solace, nurturing and care until that sense of exposure recedes. We call this period of time 'aftercare'. Most often we associate this term with the time frame immediately following a 'scene'. However, this term is equally applicable at many other points and times and many times is not associated with BDSM or D/s at all. Essentially it is an 'understood' promise that should exist prior to anyone agreeing to engage in any type of relationship. Often it is overlooked or ignored as an 'incidental'. The concentration or focus of many people appears to be on the action 'events' such as any and all forms of BDSM or sexual interaction that may and in many cases will occur as part of the relationship. Minimizing the importance of aftercare is a mistake. Aftercare is a period of necessary 'recovery'. This is a fundamental recovery of the self into a form competent and 'safe' to independently interact with other people.

Some aspects of BDSM trigger responses much like intoxication. The ability of the brain to rationalize or make important or serious decisions may be seriously impaired for a substantial period of time after an event or scene. Scening can and sometimes does summon up long hidden memories, feelings, emotions and traumas that the individual has kept safe behind the barrier wall or mental defense system that during a scene may suddenly no longer exist. We maintain these walls through diverting a portion of our mental energy to them at all times. In periods of low stress this constant trickle of energy is negligible. In periods of high mental activity the brain diverts energy toward activities which take precedence. Managing a BDSM scene will often become an activity of such precedencial choice. When this occurs the brain is no longer sustaining the wall and it may simply vanish, exposing what is behind it.

We maintain personal barriers and walls of defense to protect ourselves from things we know but perhaps have serious trouble dealing with. An example of this would be an automobile accident. Some portion of the brain does 'know' and fully experienced all that occurred during the accident or 'event'. The extremes of the experience may be so great that a self protective determining factor inside the brain decides that it is 'unhealthy' for the cognizant areas of the brain to experience this event through memory loops over and over again. At that point this determining factor selectively places this event in a 'safe area' or behind one of the brains natural mental barriers or walls.

Should one of these 'events' become exposed then the individual may re-experience the event. It is vital to remember that these hidden events were considered to be potentially damaging when the real event occurred so much so that the brain took active steps to protect the individual from them. Supporting and assuring the person who has re-experienced one of these events that they are 'safe' is profoundly important. The new 'information' may be of a nature that they do have great difficulty coping with it and in some cases they may need good professional assistance from a qualified therapist.

Normal aftercare occurring without such an exposure is often the simple nurturing of one human to another. The support and protection of and from revealed intimacies and aiding and assisting in rebuilding the former protective walls, barriers or defenses. These protective mental measures appear to rebuild naturally as a simple part of how the brain functions and manages over a period of time. That time frame will vary with the individual and with the intensity of the experience itself. Aftercare in its most simple form is just being there with your partner for a sufficient time period that they feel safe and no longer feel the need to cling to you. It is equally important to recognize that aftercare is for both the Dominant and the submissive. If either person leaves too soon then their partner may feel abandonment or loss far exceeding the apparent parameters of the interaction.

It is also important to recognize that aftercare may be a serious factor when a relationship ends and especially when that ending is through the choice of one person and not the other. To some extent it remains the obligation of the person who makes that choice to extend aftercare support in a form agreeable to the person who has not made that choice until they have reached a point where they feel emotionally less devastated or more able to cope with the changed aspects of their life. In these days of acrimonious breakups it is common to act without dignity or respect for yourself and for the person whom you have engaged in a serious relationship with. This type of attack damages everyone involved and is seldom decent but most often reflects cowardly and selfish actions.

This webpage is owned by F.R.R. Mallory - also known as Mistress Steel, including all content and logos. This webpage has been redesigned to be easy to read. The information on this page is designed to inform and entertain, it is not meant to offer professional or legal advice. The content of this webpage may be excerpted from Extreme Space, The Domination and Submission Handbook, Safe, Sane and Consensual, Dangerous Choices or other books by F.R.R. Mallory, all the content is copyright protected under United States and International Copyright Law. Please click on the book title for information on how you can order a copy of these books and others by F.R.R. Mallory.

For limited release, re-posting, web-sharing information regarding any of the articles on this website, please email SteelBfl@sonic.net.

Tantra and Sacred Sexuality

We have been planning and discussing the possibility of different workshops at Shakti Gardens.

Soon we will be hosting teachings centered on Tantra, Touch and Sensuality, as well as dealing with past hurts and overcoming fear of intimacy and closeness. Some of the workshops will be for women only and other teachings will involve mixed groups of male and female.

We still offer private workshops for couples who wish to explore and learn more about Sensual Massage and the Expanded Full Body Orgasm.

We have expanded our massage services and now have Don working alongside 3 female therapists, so we can cater to whatever your needs might be, from traditional mainstream therapies, to Tantric Healing and restoring the libido, to more sensual bodywork.

We do work by appointment and we are available weekdays or nights as well as certain times on weekends. All healing work is done in our private garden studio.

Be blessed

Don

0829615454

info@shaktigardens.com

Skyclad (nude) Yoga

Dont forget that our Yoga classes are hosted every Monday evening at Shakti Gardens in our "Tantra Lounge". Lessons are approximately 90minutes in duration.

Clothing is optional, if you are comfortable doing it nude, then allow yourself to experience this. If you wish to keep minimal undies on, please feel free to do so.

Bondage 101

Attached is an artice which covers some basics in bdsm foreplay. Always remember that aftercare is important, just as important as cuddling or embracing after an intimate time, or sexual activity, it is that warm embrace knowing that you are cherished and loved. For some, aftercare is regarded as a critical component of bdsm - after play time it is crucial to either embrace the submissive, or wrap her in a soft warm blanket, offer her herbal tea or water to ensure her body temperature does not drop and that she feels safe, protected and cherished

The following article was found on

http://www.bondassage.com/blog/153-bondage-101--what-every-player-should-know

Bondage 101 ~ What Every Player Should Know

By Dan & Jennifer

Bondage can be fun, but how do you begin if you’ve never tried it before? It’s easy to get intimidated when you start checking it out, because there is some seriously hardcore stuff out there. But don’t think you have to go overboard right away – in fact, bondage is better when you start slowly and work your way up. Check out these great tips for BDSM beginners!

Hi Dan and Jennifer – loving the great advice! My girlfriend and I want to try some bondage, but we’ve never done it before and don’t really know where to start, any advice?

–YouTube Viewer

Beginner’s Bondage Kits

No, you don’t have to go out and buy yards and yards of heavy duty rope to begin with a little BDSM. Lots of companies make excellent beginner’s bondage kits that have everything you need to get it on. While there’s probably some stuff you could use at home such as a spatula for spanking or a silk tie as a rope or a blindfold, a kit is going to be a lot more fun – and a lot sexier. What is great about the beginner’s kits is that they’re pretty softcore, so they’re really not going to scare anyone off.

Our Recommendations:

Fetish Fantasy Series Beginner’s Bondage Set

Comes with 4 velvety soft cuffs with silky ties, a feather tickler, 2 romantic candles and a satiny smooth blindfold so your partner doesn’t know what you’re going to do next!

Fetish Fantasy Series Pleasure Bondage Set

This one also includes soft ankle and wrist cuffs, but the cuffs can be connected using a sturdy O-ring. An inflatable pillow and a silky blindfold come with, but those who want to get a little freakier will enjoy the soft, breathable gag.

Play Sex Games

Playing sex games with your partner can be a lot of fun, and it can not only lead you and your lover to a night of intense passion, it can also teach you more about what you and your partner like in bed. Sex doesn’t always have to be serious, and that’s why playing a game can be so much fun – it lets you remember that sex is all about having fun, laughing and enjoying your partner. Go on a sexy scavenger hunt or play a game of titillating truth or dare. You’ll be amazed at how much you can discover about yourself and your lover when you play sex games together.

Our Recommendations:

Cosmo’s Steamy Sex Games

Straight from the sexperts from Cosmopolitan comes 118 super fun cards that will spark your imagination with tons of sexy new ideas for things you can do together.

3 Deck Sex Pack

Get three decks of sexy card games and never run out of ideas for new and exciting things you can do with your lover. Included are card games Sex, Porn and Naked! Compete to see who owns the most porn or the classic-but-always-fun strip poker.

Bondage At Home

There are definitely some things at home that you can use for BDSM, but many of them aren’t recommended. It’s much better to use things that are made for what you’re doing (such as lube instead of spit), and even though it’s a little more expensive, getting great, high quality sex toys that you can use over and over again is well worth the investment. Nevertheless, here are some things you can use at home:

A silk tie can function as a blindfold or hand/feet restraints

A spatula can make a great paddle

A feather duster (wash it first!) makes a neat tickler

How To Know When To Stop

When you really start getting into BDSM, role play and domination and submission, the word “stop” doesn’t always mean stop. When you’re getting into kinky sex, it’s so important to have something called a “safe word.” A safe word functions as the word “stop,” meaning that if the safe word is used, all activity stops immediately.

Before you and your partner get it on, agree on a safe word to use. Make sure that it’s not something that you would normally call out during sex play, and words like “no” or “stop” aren’t going to work. Try something like “purple pony” or “turkey sandwich” so there’s no mistaking that the play needs to cease immediately if the word is used. Always honor the safe word, even if you think that everything is fine and nobody is getting hurt. Part of having a great time with BDSM and kink is to be able to completely trust and let go with your partner – so make sure that if the safe word is used, you cool it right away.

I do hope this has helped you realise that bdsm and kinks can be fun and can enhance your foreplay and make your evenings more fulfilling

Mabius

e-mail: thesubmissionchamber@hotmail.com

BDSM - Kinks - Fetishes?

You may be asking what is going on here - what has BDSM, Kinks or Fetishes got to do with healing and Sacred Sexuality

I will be publishing a number of Blogs covering these subjects to enlighten some, to guide others. We live in a society filled with many different alternative lifestyles - from swingers, to nudists to those involved in BDSM, kinks and fetishes.

It is all part of who we are as a community, who we are as we develop and grow and discover new elements to our lives.

There are many misconceptions regarding the subject of BDSM - many seem to think it is about abuse, about wanting to cause grievous bodily harm to another, cheap sexual gratification in the form of forced sex!

The world of BDSM, kinks and fetishes can be simple enjoyable lifestyle, but yet has a unique beauty in it's complexity. Many see it as a different form of foreplay - where a partner might bind their lover's wrists with a scarf and blindfold them, then explore and tease their body and their mind, thus enhancing the sexual arousal and pleasure derived from this form of foreplay. Others take it a bit further and might use steel handcuffs, or even do some erotic spanking on a bare bum (interspersed with teasing of the genitals or breasts). One of the more fascinating aspects of all this is rope bondage - also known as Shibaru - it is a unique art form in which the subject is confined in rope - in a beautiful and artistic manner - thus creating living art - it can be time consuming, but the results can be breathtaking to look at. For the one being bound, it is a unique sensation of being restricted - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Japanese_bondage

As I mentioned earlier - there is so much more to BDSM than meets the eye. It is also commonly referred to as "Power Exchange". Meaning that one is Dominant and another being submissive, come to an agreement that during play time, the submissive surrenders to the Dominant and allows that Dominant to take charge, to control the play and to lead the submissive into new areas of sexual pleasure, or even new discoveries regarding pain threshold. Before any play can take place there has to be agreement on boundaries and limits or else someone will get hurt, always play safe, always be aware of body language, breathing, wrists going blue if tightly bound etc, these are just some basics to take not of. Always respect the limits and boundaries of the submissive and then the play will be more adventurous and more enjoyable. Always play safe!

Should you wish to experience some form of BDSM, kinks or fetishes, then we can arrange for this to be done at your convenience. If you wish to discuss this lifestyle or your needs, then please feel free to contact me regarding this.

Should you or your partner wish to discover more of this together within the safe regulated confines of a workshop specialising in these different aspects of sexuality and sensuality, then this can be arranged as well.

Please contact me via email : thesubmissionchamber@hotmail.com

All discussions treated with the strictest confidentiality - all workshops offered in total privacy at Shakti Gardens

Be well

Mabius

Spirituality and sexual energy - Deepak Chopra

‎"spirituality and sexual energy are connected. No life would exist without the other".

Deepak Chopra

The Tantric way - Daniel Odier

The Tantric way is open to all the richness of human nature, which it accepts without a single restriction. It is probably the only spiritual path that excludes nothing and no one, and, in this way, it corresponds to the deep aspirations of men and women today. - Daniel Odier

Wisdom and Inner Peace

Dalai Lama - educating children

Skyclad (Nude/Naked) Yoga

Greetings - we now have a wonderful core group of dedicated yoga enthusiasts who meet every Monday evening at 7pm to celebrate the freedom that Skyclad (naked/nude) yoga offers. For some it has been a liberating experience, shedding restrictive clothing and allowing themselves to be free.

These classes provide a unique experience that allows a breakthrough of any body insecurities and thus develops a sense of balance of mind, body and spirit. All erotism is left at the door, here we seek purity of thought within the class.

Our intention is to provide a safe haven, a sacred space in which you feel one with the group and not judged on appearance or physical attributes, a sacred space in which we build a nurturing environment where can develop our physical and spiritual inner being while developing awareness

The classes can be defined as "non-sexual", non-judgemental, and accessible to all races, religions and cultural backgrounds. You need not have any yoga experience, and the novice as well as experienced practitioners may join. The poses will be adjusted to suit your physical capabilities and practitioners are encouraged to listen to their bodies

If you wish to discuss this first with us please feel free to contact Don
Cell - 082 961 5454
email - info@shaktigardens.com

Below is an extract from www.wikipedia.org

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Naked yoga is the practice of yoga without clothes. The practice is gaining popularity, notably in western societies that have more familiarity with social nudity. While many practice naked yoga at home, there are a growing number of participants, including children, in group classes. It is becoming popular in Europe and USA.

History
In the West since the 1960s, naked yoga practice has been incorporated in progressive settings for well-being, such as at the Esalen Institute in California, as depicted in the 1968 film Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice. Other films with notable segments include The Harrad Experiment and Naked Yoga(1974).

In New York City in 1998, an American going by the name Jayadev started a group called "Midnight Yoga for Men" where participants practiced "naked before the infinite" in the style of the sadhus. Aaron Star, owner of Hot Nude Yoga, began his version of nude yoga in April 2001 becoming an instant "underground sensation" as quoted by Time Out New York. Because of the success of Hot Nude Yoga, nude yoga groups began to blossom all over the world, from London, Moscow, Madrid to Sydney. Many of these male-only naked yoga groups have been associated with the gay community, though often not intentionally. One Taste Urban Retreat Center popularized naked yoga after it was reported in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Source
Description above from the Wikipedia article Nude yoga, licensed under CC-BY-SA full list of contributors here. Community Pages are not affiliated with, or endorsed by, anyone associated with the topic.

Also have a look at the following link:
http://www.yogaundressed.com/

Help others - Dalai Lama

Performance Anxiety vs. Presence

I’m worried about getting and maintaining my erections…

By Mare Simone, Advanced Certified Tantra Educator

I frequently encounter clients who, as they mature and their hormone levels shift, they begin to lose faith in their own sexuality.

Men become victims of the myth of the Perpetual Erection. It has always existed, but it’s become even more destructive because of the way in which the issue is treated in most pornography, which always features a purported Superman. That’s not reality. Often porn stars use Viagra or “fluffers”, women whose job it is to keep them aroused and hard for their performance.

It often seems as though performance anxiety and the pressure that goes alongwith it is the culprit that causes impotency and perpetuates it. Often I’ve found that when a man doesn’t put pressure on himself nor does his partner, the problem resolves itself, just being present and thoroughly enjoying the moment.

In Tantric sex, it’s not so important how hard your erection is, how long it lasts, or whether or not you are even hard at all.

Not only is it possible to have an orgasm without ejaculating, I have also known men who have had profound full body orgasms and multiples, without even being erect!

There are many other delightful ways that you can join with your partner to create great pleasures together, using your hands or mouth that don’t require an erection.

Tantria teaches you: how to channel your sexual energy throughout your entire body and to your partner’s body… How to have non-genital, full body orgasms…

How to enter into an exquisite spiritual/sexual state… to feel the energy flowing right through you, into your partner and back into you… creating a continuous stream of energy that flows between you. It’s incredibly satisfying! And you can do all this without necessarily having an erection.

Interestingly I have found that when sexual partners are not so concerned about whether the man has a full erection or not, the problem often ceases on its own, without needing to be fixed.

Taking the pressure off and not having to perform gives way for a deeper more gratifying experience of relaxed arousal and tremendous pleasure.

Mare Simone is an Advanced Certified Tantra Educator through the Source School of Tantra Yoga and lives in Southern California. She travels the world teaching Tantra. You can read more about her atwww.maresimone.com.

Article Originally Posted on Source Tantra Blog

This entry was posted in Bodywork, Change, Communication, Cuddling,Education, Enlightenment, Healing, Honor, Intimacy, Love, Marriage, Men, oral sex, Orgasm, Practice Information, Premature Ejaculation (PME), Relationships,Sacred Sex, Self help, Sex, Tantra, Trust, Well being, Women and tagged Charles Muir, consciousness, Dallas, DFW, ejaculation, emotions, enlightenment,erections, expectations, Frisco, healing, Kendal Williams, kundalini, life, lifestyle,lingam, lingum, linham, love, maintaining erections, Mare Simone, marriage,McKinney, Muir, orgasm, penis, Perpetual Erection, premature ejaculation,relationship coach, relationships, Sacred, sex education, sexual empowerment,sexual performance, Sexuality, Source Tantra, stress, tantra, Tantric Therapy,tantric transformation, Viagra, wisdom, women. Bookmark the permalink.

Kink coaching and BDSM

For those who wish to explore new boundaries of arousal and intimacy, we will be offering sessions in Kink Coaching

These will be conducted by Mabius Drakkan - an experienced Dominant and well known in local bdsm circles. Soon we will have a "sister website" linked to Shakti Gardens

This is a simple "BDSM 101"to help those who wish to know more about the kink lifestyle, for those who wish to discover more about erotic spanking, experiencing bonds of rope on the body, the balance of Dominance and submission. It is all about learning what your desires are and exploring them, it is about discovering different levels of arousal through erotica and physical contact which stirs the inner emotions. It is about discovering your limits, possibly pushing them to test your own abilities

We do have a private well equipped studio in which you can experience this while being coached, or possibly observe a training session. Time will be spent explaining the different options for playtime, how to use different instruments and some pieces will be available for purchase

For more information please contact Mabius via email:

info@shaktigardens.com

Celtic Sex Magik and Rituals

Dance with Me

In Ancient Lands

Under Sunny Skies

Hand in Hand

We will touch the Heavens

In a Ceremony of Rebirth
Living every Breath as a Miracle
We will Change the Earth

I saw this posted on Facebook today - and it inspired me to re-think what we tried to set up last year with regards to Celtic Sex Magik and Rituals

Should anyone be interested in this or something similar - or if anyone has any thoughts or ideas with regards to what they would like to see offered at Shakti Gardens, then please contact me and let us discuss what we can do to bring inspiration and love and healing into our lives and into the lives of others

Be blessed

Don - 082 961 5454

email - info@shaktigardens.com